Tuesday, June 21, 2011

One Nybble is half a Byte.

Hard work. I don't like it, nobody does.

I've found a job, more or less, they're willing to take me if I can prove that I'm worth taking etc. the usual stuff people do before they're willing to hire someone or so.

Well, I went there. Since yesterday, actually. Well, it's a pet shop, so I have a lot to do with them animals there. Not that I'd mind, not at all. Plus there's a really cute apprentice as well, she looks cute and she's so much fun to talk with, she told me alot about my "boss", so to make it easier for me to actually get an apprenticeship as well. I can't say I dislike the whole situation as such... but there's always a catch.

I've been thinking alot lately, and really, the only thing I do there is clean the cages, clean the floor, and clean shelves. I've been wondering if it's like that in any job offer as a retailer, and if it's really the job I'm looking for...
I don't like being yelled at after cleaning the whole shop, just to be told to simply clean it again. Do you know how much work it is to unload a whole shelf full of dogfood, about as big as the wall of my room, cleaning it, and loading it again? It took me ages, I was on the edge of flipping out, I swear. If she would've come over and told me I am supposed to do it all over I would've probably just took my bag and left.

There's so many jobs out there, I hear people talking about how much fun their job is all the time... it can't be too hard to find something like that for me, can it? I think I should just throw this one.

Well. After this last sentence I basically stood up and cried. Yeah, it's embarassing, and I don't really know why, but I went to my mother and cried, explained her the situation and whatnot. She understood it quite well, to my surprise. I've decided to ditch this "opportunity." I mean, what for? If I get the job, what then? I'm not happy with it, I'm not happy working in this job. I need another job... I'll try to get a chance to test other jobs, perhaps one I've originally planned to but was too afraid and too lazy to actually ever test... labotary assistant.

Thought about a lot of things. Maybe I'm just lazy? Maybe I'm just not willing to work? What if I'm just a crybaby and the job is easy? Things like that went constantly through my head as I was crying. I don't know if I'm dumb, but honestly, if a job makes you worry so much about life, it tends to be a bad choice to continue on that path, right?

As you might judge by that, I've felt very miserable. It hurts me to give up on the job, it feels like those two days were just wasted like that... I've grown to like that girl in particular, too, I even thought I might hang out with her outside of the job, she might be a very cool friend, but I'm supposing I'll pass out on that, too. I think I actually had a mental breakdown, I can't tell... are you supposed to know when you had that?

I don't even want to talk about games or anything right now... I've played some, sure, but I'm so out of my mind right now I... I just don't know.

I've started writing a story a while back, it's about a boy and a girl, a somewhat tragic story but I really don't want to spoiler anything if I really intend to finish it someday... Maybe I'll do just that tomorrow... or maybe not...

My head hurts, but it's no headache, I feel sick, but I don't feel like throwing up, and I feel miserable and relieved at the same time, my emotions are somewhat spinning crazy right now and frankly, I don't know what to say. I'll just call it a day.

Good Bye.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Frankly, Good Sir, I do not know.

Life is so confusing.

I mean, somehow it's easy, and somehow it's not. How is that even possible? Quite some stuff happened, and I don't know where to start. I'll probably forget half of it again

So first off, sorry that I haven't written in such a long time. I can't say that I don't have any time, but then again, I can. I certainly have more to do than I've had before, but less than when I was working. So I'm in this activity of the FEO again, and it's fine so far. Next week or so I'll change activities again. They said I'm supposed to get more money as support then, too. We'll see about that. As for my free time, a lot of League of Legends. Like, a lot. Oh and I spent a lot of time with my girlfriend. Her name's Lena. Yeah. I know. Where do I start...

We've met a few weeks ago, due to Slein, she was more or less a friend of him. She was really in love with him, like, a lot. And yeah, I knew Slein, he's not certainly the best with most females, I've heard and experienced a lot of stories about him and girls. So eventually, I got to talk to her. She cried, a lot, because of the way he treated her. He made it clear that he has no interest, and that really broke her heart. Being as chivalrous as I am, I was there for her, let her cry and told her things will be fine again. Eventually we got closer that way, talked more, spent more time together. It was cool. And yeah, one day we sort of, kinda started a relationship. Just this time it was different from my first relationship. I made it very clear, thoroughly reminded her of the fact that there might be times that we're not talking for a long time, that I am not always going to spend time with her, since, yeah, I'm a gamer, I play a lot of games, and I just need a lot of Ryou-time. Against all odds, she agreed to these terms, saying she's fine with it and can live with it, as long as I'm not gone for weeks and spend a little time with her on every other occasion. We decided we keep our relationship secret for now, don't tell people about it, see for ourselves how it goes. If it goes well, we can stay like this, if it doesn't, we know what to do.
Judging by this, I'm sure you guys can guess how it went. We decided that things look pretty fine so far, and we'd like to continue this path.

At this point I can also mention it to you, Albi. Yeah, I sort of gave up on you. You know I loved you for a long time, sure, there were times when I've put that aside, but I've really tried to get closer to you regarding that. All my efforts failed, spending time with you did no good, talking about it with you was more or less a nuisance since you felt more annoyed by it that pleased, and even meeting you in real life didn't do us no favors. You simply couldn't handle love, not that I blame you, but it was just really... hurtful. Now I can never say I will truely ever give up on you, I will always keep you in my heart, I don't know why. I love Lena, and I've already talked to her about it, but I just want you to know as well that even if you'd decide for me now, it's too late.
Just to clear things up, I don't want any more lies in my life.

Eh, enough about that. I've played Dungeon Siege III, waited years for it to finally come out, and I can't say it was worth the wait, but the game was so amazing, I really loved it. Could've sticked to the old ways more, but it still rocked. I think I also finished Fable III, I just noticed I haven't even mentioned that, boy, is it really that long ago since I made my last post? Geez, that's an eternity.

I've rediscovered my love for the artist Shirogane Usagi, boy that guy draws some great stuff. Or girl, I don't know his gender. But they rock! The picture above is one of his works again. I found it appealing, somehow. I've also uploaded about 20 pictures of his to gelbooru from his pixiv. Or her pixiv. And I've edited a lot of tags on gelbooru. I kind of think it was a waste of time. But it was sort of fun...

I guess that's all I can say so far. Oh, and one thing, my darling has a blog of her own, make sure you check it out right about here.

I have also decided to put up a Twitter, just for the sake of it. You might wanna check that out, too.

I will also rework the links on my blog, I don't think Jenny still needs to get linked to her blog, I don't talk to Ichirin anymore, and now that my girlfriend has a blog she'll needs to be mentioned on this blog, too. I'll work on it, I promise!

Until then, you guys just keep doing whatever you do. Keep it tight!